Rose Colored Glasses - The Cheri Factor

For many years I was told that I had no idea of reality because I looked at the world through my rose colored glasses. It was often said in frustration. At times I became defensive at this. I do understand reality, yet I choose to see the world from my rose colored perspective. I would much rather live this way than in the world of judgment and fear. I prefer to see the world and the universe from a loving perspective. I choose to see the good in everyone and believe that we all have light that shines. Some are more dimmed, yet the potential for radiating is always there. I am inclined to trust people and believe in their goodness. I have always preferred to see the glass as half full. I forgive easily and do not stay angry. If this is looking at the world through rose-colored glasses, I will choose this any day.

My son used to call me “Positive Patty” because I refused to consider the negative alternatives and encouraged him always to see the bright side of things. It is just as possible that things will work out, as it is that they will not, I told him. He would say, but I am always disappointed if I expect it to be a certain way. Now I know that my son was correct in his assessment. It is the meaning we attach to the expectations that cause us disappointment. It is being attached to a particular outcome. If I knew then what I know now, I would have listened to what he said more openly and helped him to see that if we are open to the experience and all the good that can come from it, then disappointment is not waiting for us. I think perhaps I knew this intuitively for my own experience, I had not yet learned to express or understand it fully.

When my children were young, I did not know about the Law of Attraction, yet I did know that how we think and having confidence were very important to how our life played out. I did not just think. I also took action. I was so busy taking action toward what I wanted; yet the piece that was missing was hearing what came to me in stillness. I also felt in my body what was right for me, and yet ignored the signals.

So although I was always positive in my thinking, I have come to understand that it is not just having positive thoughts that contribute to how life plays out for us. It is also the underlying beliefs that we have, and the emotions stuck in our body, the energy we hold, and the action we take from these perspectives.

I have always been so fortunate and I learned a long time ago to be grateful for every little thing, and chosen to be happy in spite of any circumstance. I always reached for love. Now I have learned to receive love. I looked for the positive slant, the silver lining, what was good. If that is looking at the world through rose colored glasses, than indeed I do. How about you? Are you ready to put those glasses on?

It’s all in the attitude.

This is a post I happily share from someone whom I respect. He says so simply what I have been choosing for years and teach in all my classes...

It’s all in the attitude.


To your love,
Cheri Valentine

Sadie's Dating Escapades - Recounting the Color

Sadie is sitting at LaTella’s restaurant with her life long friend, Lindy. She has just recounted how she met Karl, and is ready to relive the wonderful six week fantasy relationship.

“Lindy, why wouldn’t I go to Long Island with him? I had the time available, and what a great opportunity to get over Gary. You know, how hard that was for me to make that decision, and even though I did manage to go through ending things with Gary, it was still hard for me to do.

“I know Sadie, you struggled with that choice. But do you not see that you jumped from one hurtful relationship that, by the way, you jumped into so quickly, and it totally messed up your judgement in ending your marriage. But that’s another conversation, so I will let it be. But honestly, Sadie, you leaped from one situation into another without catching your breath!”

“Lindy. I see that now, but at the airport I wasn’t thinking about anything except how much I was enjoying Karl’s company. I did not go to Long Island with any ideas except that it would be a fun weekend. And, Lindy, it was! You know because I had told you all about it.”

“Yes, Sadie, you did. You were on cloud nine, and honestly, I was happy and excited for you. I felt it was just what you needed. I also thought that you had enough sense to let it be just that, a good time. When you got back from Long Island, you had said good bye to Karl. You spoke to him on the phone a few times, and you seemed to have your wits about you. You went to visit him in Chicago, and the next thing I knew, you were in Florida, and I only heard from you here and there with snippets of the good times you were having. Actually you became euphoric and as the weeks went on, I heard less from you, until of course you crashed. So tell me, Sadie. What happened?”

“Long Island was so much fun as you know, and I really enjoyed his company. I stayed in the hotel room with him, and yet he was completely respectful of my desire to sleep on a separate bed. I enjoyed time alone while he was involved in the charity event, and I even participated a bit myself. We flew back to Boston, said good bye and he continued to Chicago where he lives. He called me regularly, and we had so much fun talking. He was such a cheer leader for me, encouraging me to explore my options of what to do with my life now.

Then one night, when we were talking, he invited me to come for a visit. He offered to put me up in a hotel. There was a dinner where he was being recognized for his volunteer work, and he wanted me to accompany him. You thought it was a good idea, if I remember correctly, LIndy.”

“Yes, I did, Sadie. You were a bit apprehensive about going, and I actually did encourage you to go. I never imagined that you would stay there. I certainly did not anticipate Florida!”

“Ok. So, I met several of Karl’s friends at the Volunteer Recognition. They were so happy that he had met a woman that excited him. One woman, Carmen, pulled me aside, and told me how difficult his divorce had been. He was such a kind man and everyone loved him. His friends and family knew how devastated he was when his wife decided to leave him. The divorce had been finalized for six months, yet it had taken two years to resolve. In all of this time, he had not dated at all, although Carmen had tried to push many woman in front of him. She was so thrilled that I was there, and that he was happy.

“Lindy, my heart started to melt. I knew he had been through a painful divorce, but I had no idea that his inviting me there was a big deal. I also thought that it was time he was having fun with a woman.

Sadie Jackson, a fictional heroine, is back on the dating scene for the third time. After two trial marriages, she is bound and determined to get it right.She can be nauseatingly optimistic and enjoys recounting her dating experiences with humor and compassion.Follow her dating escapades in this work of fiction that will be updated on a regular basis.

Jumpstart Your Love Life – Tips for a New Year and a New Decade

January is a time of reflection and renewal, a time to think consciously about how to approach the New Year. “Approach” is a carefully chosen word, as I advise creating parameters that allow for flexibility rather than concrete resolutions that may become less appropriate over time or be too strict to follow. With the celebration of the arrival of 2010, not only a new year but a new decade, I wish to share with you some of my guidelines for refining your life and bringing love into it – “jumpstarting” a new year, a new you and the new relationships you will encounter in 2010.

Generally, for everyone desiring a more attractive overall life, consider:

1. Be the Love you Seek
Finding love (and this can mean in a mate, your work, your family…) means acting in a loving way. Complaining and cursing everything you encounter in the course of your day is incompatible with attracting love. Censor your language by being more present and aware of what you are saying. Do something positive for yourself and others. Engage in an act of selfless gratitude everyday, such as bringing an office mate a bagel, leaving a note with a happy drawing in your child’s lunchbox or opening a door for someone. If you are already in a romantic partnership with someone, think of little things that you can do that say I care about you. Try a “turn down” service: simply turn down the sheets of a crisply made bed and place a chocolate and/or single flower on your mate’s pillow. It takes all of 2 minutes to do and isn’t expensive—but sends a powerful message of love and gratitude (among other things )—a terrific return on investment! Smile more. Hug more. Listen more.

2. Seek Balance
Have you noticed a popular theme in the media touting the benefits of a balanced mind, body and spirit? Are you balanced in this regard or are you too far into one or two dimensions but not all three? Have your passions transmuted into simply the pursuit of financial success? Do you feel guilty when you do something for yourself rather than for your mate, your family, or your business?

Take time for self—everyday. It might be a small action like reading the morning paper over a cup of steaming coffee—alone. It might be a run, a yoga session, or a candlelit bath at the end of a productive day. Write in three activities for everyday living that will feed your body, mind, and spirit. If three every day seems daunting, try one a day or three things weekly. Remember that muscle doesn’t grow without rest; rest your mind, your body or your spirit while you “exercise” the other two parts of your being and the rested part grows! A balanced being is an attractive being.

3. Get Passionate About You and Your Life
What makes you tick? Think back to when you were young, what did you love to do. What feeds your soul? This is a time to reconnect to your center and put attention on those things that make your heart sing. If you are living a passionate life, this will reflect to those around you. You will also meet more passionate people. When you feed your soul, you are a kinder more loving person to yourself and therefore to others and to the world.

4. Listen Up
A major key to relationship success is communication, and one key to effective communication is listening. If you are not a good listener, make it a priority to learn. Rather than interrupting, breathe deeply and give each person the gift of your attention. It is sometimes tempting to want to tell people what they should do or how much you know instead of letting someone finish speaking. Pledge to become a master of this skill of listening and you will see all your relationships flourish. When you do speak, rather than telling someone else what they are doing or not doing right, consider complimenting them first, and then suggest how you feel when they act in a certain way.

Now for those of you actively seeking a romantic partnership, consider:

1. Think Outside the Box
Stop frantically searching and start energetically attracting. My practice is founded on my clients first knowing themselves—inside and out—and then clearly defining what they want in a mate. Confusion can arise when clients misunderstand what this clear definition means. It doesn’t mean trying to retrofit people into the Idea of relationship or marriage. It means understanding what a healthy relationship looks like for you. You’ve had lots of practice in life of what is right and what is not. Focus your attention on what is right, what works for you. Don’t let your desire for couplehood override the imperative of finding the right relationship for you. It is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. My clients who have progressed through my programs emerge knowing and liking themselves so much more than ever before in their lives that they report to me they naturally no longer settle for the wrong relationships and are successfully finding healthy, loving relationships with people who are perfect for them.

2. Get Out!
While online dating and social networking sites are almost imperative for busy professionals, people who work at home, or simply people who don’t have a lot of single friends with whom to network, you still have to get out from behind the computer. Nothing compares to live social interaction.
Take advantage of your time in the grocery store or bank by smiling and engaging people in conversation. Go to a park and walk a dog (borrow dogs as needed). Take a class that interests you. Work on your laptop at the local coffee shop or library. Go to a gym. VOLUNTEER. Get out everyday.
Smile! Don’t underestimate the power of a smile. If you’re female, compliment another woman on her shoes; you might make a friend. Welcome new neighbors, you never know when an attractive, single brother has just moved to the area and needs some new friends. Ask someone for directions, or how the traffic is on the highway. Be genuine, and if nothing else comes to mind a simply say, “hello!”
Here’s a surefire tip to motivate you to get out: pledge to turn off the television and your home computer for a week. Suddenly, the outside world will look far more appealing!

3. Take Chances
Do something new. Attend and event that you really want to attend alone if none of your friends can go with you. If you do really like someone, tell them. Again, if you’ve done the preliminary work on yourself, you simply won’t give off a “desperate” vibe because you aren’t! So go ahead and call someone for a second date—whenever the mood strikes you and not some pre-defined window after the first one. Send them an e-mail and tell them how much you enjoyed their company. Like any good thank you letter, mention something about which the two of you connected that opens the conversation for a future date, “You know so much about music. [Insert band] is playing [location, time], I’d love it if you’d come with me.” The trick is that you’ve spoken casually, using words you would actually speak, and you’ve indicated that you’re going anyway.

Commit to putting some of these ideas into play in 2010 and watch as you naturally attract new positive possibilities and love in your life!

Are You Ready to Let Love Win?

ARE YOU READY TO LET LOVE WIN?

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?' he says.

The tension of opposites?

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.

"A wrestling match." He laughs. "yes, you coudl describe life that way."

So which side wins, I ask?

"Which side wins?"

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins. Love always wins."

( from the book, Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom)

ARE YOU READY TO LET LOVE WIN???

If you are, then set the intention that this is the year you find your perfect partner for you. Take a deep breath, feel their presence, exhale with a smile and say, "I trust that I will connect to love, beginning with my own." Take inspired action and do something different than you have been doing. Don't chase love. Allow Love.

One very positive and effective way to do this is by enrolling in

90 DAYS 2 LOVE™ RELATIONSHIP COACHING PROGRAM - tele-class and online.

3 sessions are available beginning FEBRUARY 15TH, 2010. Make this your LAST Valentine's Day ALONE.

Let Love Win.

Give yourself or a friend the gift of love - enroll for 90 Days 2 Love™ for yourself if are single and searching for the perfect partner, or even for the perfect date. Enroll a friend whom you wish to see happy. There is no greater gift than a gift from the heart - the gift of LOVE.

To your love....

Sadie's Dating Escapades - False Advertisement

“Oh, good Lord! That cannot possibly be the man I am meeting tonight,” I exclaimed out loud to no one in particular.

“Excuse me,” I said to the waiter passing by, ““Is that portly man, and I am being kind, mind you, waiting for anyone in particular?”

Before the waiter could answer, the man in question turned towards me with a wide smile, “Hello Sadie, I am so glad to see you!”

“Are you Dave?” I asked incredulously.

“Yes, I am,” he answered with a smile, and a bit of a mischievous twinkle in his eye, I might add.

I could only manage a whimper as I walked towards him. Before I even sat down I ordered a Gray Goose martini, extra dry from the bartender. If this was a joke, I was not amused, and if it was for real, I needed fortification, and quickly.

“Hello, Dave. Have you been waiting long?” I asked as I put my hand out in greeting.

“Not long at all. You look lovely,” was his reply.

We chatted about nothing much at all as I settled in and anxiously awaited the arrival of my martini. Now, I am not usually a heavy drinker. Generally, I enjoy lingering over a lovely red wine. However, I was not prepared for the scene that was unfolding, and I just needed to relax quickly, or else I was bound to just turn around and walk right out. I was here to meet the handsome man from Match.com whom I had been emailing and talking to for the past couple of weeks. The only problem is that the man before me and the picture of the man I was expecting to see were so completely different. So, to be fair, I was in a bit of shock.

“Here, you go miss,” said the waiter as he placed my drink before me. “Thank heavens,” I said as I held my glass to Dave’s, and swallowed a large sip of icy comfort.

“Who are you?” I finally blurted out. “Was the real Dave unable to make it tonight and sent you in his place instead? Because you most certainly are not the man in the profile of whom I’ve been communicating with.”

“I assure you that I am the man that you have been talking with and swapping emails. I am the man that had you laughing till you cried. Don’t you recognize my voice?” he asked.

To which I responded, “I am still in shock over your dishonesty to notice your voice. Why would you do such a creepy thing?” I wanted to know. Tactfulness is not one of my top 10 qualities.

“If I had posted my real picture, would you have even given me the time of day, Sadie?” he asked.

“Probably not,” was my honest reply.

“My point. Think about the past couple of weeks and how enjoyable our conversations have been. You would not have experienced that if you’d cheated yourself because of how I looked. Are you really that shallow?” he asked me pointedly.

“I am not shallow at all, and I am also not a liar. What you did is wrong. If you were capable of this deceit, what else would you do? How do you expect to enter into any relationship starting out on that foot?’ I replied.

“Well, first of all, we are just meeting for a meal, and we’ve had a few engaging conversations. So I thought we’d have a few laughs over dinner. What’s the worst thing that we don’t hit it off? So we both had a social evening, and we go our separate ways. There is the possibility that we will enjoy tonight so much, we’ll want to see each other again. So, what is so wrong that?”

OK READERS. LET ME HEAR FROM YOU. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION? IS WHAT DAVE DID WRONG? SHOULD SADIE LET IT GO SINCE SHE OBVIOUSLY ENJOYED HIS COMPANY THINKING HE LOOKED DIFFERENTLY? HAVE YOU HAD THIS EXPERIENCE? I'D LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

Sadie Jackson, a fictional heroine, is back on the dating scene for the third time. After two trial marriages, she is bound and determined to get it right.She can be nauseatingly optimistic and enjoys recounting her dating experiences with humor and compassion.Follow her dating escapades in this work of fiction that will be updated on a regular basis.