Outline is Created and Ready to Write

I’ve recently begun working with the Book Coach, Keith Leon for support in writing my book, “90 Days 2 Love, Transforming Your Life From the Inside Out To Attract Your Soul Mate.” Not only will he support me in the writing process, he will guide me through self-publishing, gathering endorsements, and getting it out there! I am so excited to finally commit to this project that has been brewing inside of me for years!

I’d like to share the journey with you in hope to offer you inspiration for any projects that you may have bubbling inside waiting for expression. It’s not always easy to give yourself permission to follow a dream or passion, and sometimes even when you think you are ready (like I did) still you find yourself stuck and unable to begin or if you do begin, lose momentum and not finish. I realize this has been a challenge for me – to commit and step past my fears – and write this book that is just bursting to be released from the depths of my heart and soul. So, like I have done in the past when I need support, encouragement, guidance, and help with accountability, I enlisted the services of a coach who is an expert in his field – who has walked his talk with success.

So to begin I had to share a bit of myself with Keith and so will share it with you:

Ages of Children: 26, 24, and 22

Education/Experience: BS in Education, master level courses in counseling and financial accounting in addition to several coaching, spiritual, and healing trainings.

Occupation: Relationship Intuitive, Love Strategist

Q: What do you like about your work, and what do you dislike?

A: I love seeing people connect to their hearts and truth, see their worth and value, let go of the emotions keeping them stuck, and begin to attract healthy people into their lives. I love to see the light go on in their eyes.

I am not as keen on the administrative and marketing end of the business – my favorite is speaking, working with clients, and writing.

Q: What is your proudest accomplishment and/or the most challenging experience you have ever overcome?

A: There are so many challenging experiences that I have overcome and I am proud to acknowledge that. I was bedridden for 3 years, and another 3 of being down more than up. I was told to expect that I would not live normally due to sever neurological and central nervous system Lyme disease combined with fibromyalgia. I would not accept that, and I live pretty fully now – still challenges to face, yet I am very pleased with my determination, love, and efforts to be here and coaching and help others to heal and attract love today.

Q: What is your greatest passion in life – something that comes easy to you and does not feel like work, it just feels good?

A: Speaking on issues of passion, love, health, and relationships whether to a group or individuals.

Q: What is your life’s vision/mission – what do you want to contribute to the world?

A: I most want to connect millions of people to their own joyful hearts and to love

Q: What is your biggest issue – the thing that drains your energy, stops you, or gets in your way?

A: Fear, doubt, overwhelm – although I have released so much of this lately. Mind fog is especially challenging – some days I just can’t seem to make mind work, yet fortunately that seems to happen less and less – that has been a huge challenge in the past.

Q: What results are you looking for from coaching?

A: Support and guidance in creating and following a schedule especially to include writing, completion, publication and distribution of my book.

Q: What are your definitions of commitment and accountability?

A: Commitment – focus, determination, and vision to what you promise to yourself or others

Accountability – having integrity to do what you agree, yet be realistic with what you can do

Q: How committed are you to being accountable and doing what it takes to achieve the results you desire?

A: I am committed to a 10 – I have asked for support at home so that this is my main focus for the coming months in the area of work. I often get sidetracked with other work projects and I am determined to finally see my book through to completion because I believe it will shift the energy of my business and what I want to accomplish.

Q: What else would you like us to know about you?

A: One of the challenges that I have faced is that I have not honored some of my commitments because I over-commit thinking I can handle it all, and do not have the mental and physical stamina at times. I am striving for balance in my life, and yet it seems I go like crazy, then crash. I am in the process of shifting to more steadiness and constancy, and allowing this to feel normal.

I am fortunate to know that when I truly set my mind, heart, and commitment to something, I will achieve it because I believe in it and me – sometimes it takes awhile to reach that place yet I have found that whatever I believe, whether positive or negative, shows up in my life as truth. I have had to challenge many of my beliefs (even uncover what they actually were) to see what was holding me back in some of the areas of my life, and slowly each area has been shifting to the beliefs that I choose to empower and serve me. I am blessed to have an amazing system of support from people in my life who love me and believe in me – sometimes even when I doubt myself. That is one key to success in every area of your life – it certainly has helped me through the maze of Relating, Dating & Mating among other things.

Thanks for being a part of my support team! It is for all of you who are waiting for these words to make their way to the written page and inspire, support and guide you to a most joyful source of love – your own heart.

Rose Colored Glasses - The Cheri Factor

For many years I was told that I had no idea of reality because I looked at the world through my rose colored glasses. It was often said in frustration. At times I became defensive at this. I do understand reality, yet I choose to see the world from my rose colored perspective. I would much rather live this way than in the world of judgment and fear. I prefer to see the world and the universe from a loving perspective. I choose to see the good in everyone and believe that we all have light that shines. Some are more dimmed, yet the potential for radiating is always there. I am inclined to trust people and believe in their goodness. I have always preferred to see the glass as half full. I forgive easily and do not stay angry. If this is looking at the world through rose-colored glasses, I will choose this any day.

My son used to call me “Positive Patty” because I refused to consider the negative alternatives and encouraged him always to see the bright side of things. It is just as possible that things will work out, as it is that they will not, I told him. He would say, but I am always disappointed if I expect it to be a certain way. Now I know that my son was correct in his assessment. It is the meaning we attach to the expectations that cause us disappointment. It is being attached to a particular outcome. If I knew then what I know now, I would have listened to what he said more openly and helped him to see that if we are open to the experience and all the good that can come from it, then disappointment is not waiting for us. I think perhaps I knew this intuitively for my own experience, I had not yet learned to express or understand it fully.

When my children were young, I did not know about the Law of Attraction, yet I did know that how we think and having confidence were very important to how our life played out. I did not just think. I also took action. I was so busy taking action toward what I wanted; yet the piece that was missing was hearing what came to me in stillness. I also felt in my body what was right for me, and yet ignored the signals.

So although I was always positive in my thinking, I have come to understand that it is not just having positive thoughts that contribute to how life plays out for us. It is also the underlying beliefs that we have, and the emotions stuck in our body, the energy we hold, and the action we take from these perspectives.

I have always been so fortunate and I learned a long time ago to be grateful for every little thing, and chosen to be happy in spite of any circumstance. I always reached for love. Now I have learned to receive love. I looked for the positive slant, the silver lining, what was good. If that is looking at the world through rose colored glasses, than indeed I do. How about you? Are you ready to put those glasses on?

Jumpstart Your Love Life – Tips for a New Year and a New Decade

January is a time of reflection and renewal, a time to think consciously about how to approach the New Year. “Approach” is a carefully chosen word, as I advise creating parameters that allow for flexibility rather than concrete resolutions that may become less appropriate over time or be too strict to follow. With the celebration of the arrival of 2010, not only a new year but a new decade, I wish to share with you some of my guidelines for refining your life and bringing love into it – “jumpstarting” a new year, a new you and the new relationships you will encounter in 2010.

Generally, for everyone desiring a more attractive overall life, consider:

1. Be the Love you Seek
Finding love (and this can mean in a mate, your work, your family…) means acting in a loving way. Complaining and cursing everything you encounter in the course of your day is incompatible with attracting love. Censor your language by being more present and aware of what you are saying. Do something positive for yourself and others. Engage in an act of selfless gratitude everyday, such as bringing an office mate a bagel, leaving a note with a happy drawing in your child’s lunchbox or opening a door for someone. If you are already in a romantic partnership with someone, think of little things that you can do that say I care about you. Try a “turn down” service: simply turn down the sheets of a crisply made bed and place a chocolate and/or single flower on your mate’s pillow. It takes all of 2 minutes to do and isn’t expensive—but sends a powerful message of love and gratitude (among other things )—a terrific return on investment! Smile more. Hug more. Listen more.

2. Seek Balance
Have you noticed a popular theme in the media touting the benefits of a balanced mind, body and spirit? Are you balanced in this regard or are you too far into one or two dimensions but not all three? Have your passions transmuted into simply the pursuit of financial success? Do you feel guilty when you do something for yourself rather than for your mate, your family, or your business?

Take time for self—everyday. It might be a small action like reading the morning paper over a cup of steaming coffee—alone. It might be a run, a yoga session, or a candlelit bath at the end of a productive day. Write in three activities for everyday living that will feed your body, mind, and spirit. If three every day seems daunting, try one a day or three things weekly. Remember that muscle doesn’t grow without rest; rest your mind, your body or your spirit while you “exercise” the other two parts of your being and the rested part grows! A balanced being is an attractive being.

3. Get Passionate About You and Your Life
What makes you tick? Think back to when you were young, what did you love to do. What feeds your soul? This is a time to reconnect to your center and put attention on those things that make your heart sing. If you are living a passionate life, this will reflect to those around you. You will also meet more passionate people. When you feed your soul, you are a kinder more loving person to yourself and therefore to others and to the world.

4. Listen Up
A major key to relationship success is communication, and one key to effective communication is listening. If you are not a good listener, make it a priority to learn. Rather than interrupting, breathe deeply and give each person the gift of your attention. It is sometimes tempting to want to tell people what they should do or how much you know instead of letting someone finish speaking. Pledge to become a master of this skill of listening and you will see all your relationships flourish. When you do speak, rather than telling someone else what they are doing or not doing right, consider complimenting them first, and then suggest how you feel when they act in a certain way.

Now for those of you actively seeking a romantic partnership, consider:

1. Think Outside the Box
Stop frantically searching and start energetically attracting. My practice is founded on my clients first knowing themselves—inside and out—and then clearly defining what they want in a mate. Confusion can arise when clients misunderstand what this clear definition means. It doesn’t mean trying to retrofit people into the Idea of relationship or marriage. It means understanding what a healthy relationship looks like for you. You’ve had lots of practice in life of what is right and what is not. Focus your attention on what is right, what works for you. Don’t let your desire for couplehood override the imperative of finding the right relationship for you. It is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. My clients who have progressed through my programs emerge knowing and liking themselves so much more than ever before in their lives that they report to me they naturally no longer settle for the wrong relationships and are successfully finding healthy, loving relationships with people who are perfect for them.

2. Get Out!
While online dating and social networking sites are almost imperative for busy professionals, people who work at home, or simply people who don’t have a lot of single friends with whom to network, you still have to get out from behind the computer. Nothing compares to live social interaction.
Take advantage of your time in the grocery store or bank by smiling and engaging people in conversation. Go to a park and walk a dog (borrow dogs as needed). Take a class that interests you. Work on your laptop at the local coffee shop or library. Go to a gym. VOLUNTEER. Get out everyday.
Smile! Don’t underestimate the power of a smile. If you’re female, compliment another woman on her shoes; you might make a friend. Welcome new neighbors, you never know when an attractive, single brother has just moved to the area and needs some new friends. Ask someone for directions, or how the traffic is on the highway. Be genuine, and if nothing else comes to mind a simply say, “hello!”
Here’s a surefire tip to motivate you to get out: pledge to turn off the television and your home computer for a week. Suddenly, the outside world will look far more appealing!

3. Take Chances
Do something new. Attend and event that you really want to attend alone if none of your friends can go with you. If you do really like someone, tell them. Again, if you’ve done the preliminary work on yourself, you simply won’t give off a “desperate” vibe because you aren’t! So go ahead and call someone for a second date—whenever the mood strikes you and not some pre-defined window after the first one. Send them an e-mail and tell them how much you enjoyed their company. Like any good thank you letter, mention something about which the two of you connected that opens the conversation for a future date, “You know so much about music. [Insert band] is playing [location, time], I’d love it if you’d come with me.” The trick is that you’ve spoken casually, using words you would actually speak, and you’ve indicated that you’re going anyway.

Commit to putting some of these ideas into play in 2010 and watch as you naturally attract new positive possibilities and love in your life!

Enjoy Being Single While Preparing for Love

In the pursuit for love you must first tap into the source of it and rather than looking outside of yourself wishing and hoping for others to love you, look inside and find where it has resided all along.

Here’s the thing, when you so badly want to be loved and yet you are not yet being love yourself, it its nearly impossible to find it. When you are single you have an opportunity to create your life - to practice embracing the present moment and live life fully and by your terms. This is such a great time for you to take the time to really know yourself deeply and intimately, accept you fully - all of you, improve the relationships that exist and create a loving and supportive network.

This is the time to create your life’s vision, discover your passions and start living them, understand your purpose and what makes you tick. This is the time to begin to strategically create and attract the life and love that you desire.

This is the time to define your requirements for a partner. You decide with conscious clarity how you want to relate and be treated in a relationship. You decide what values are the most important to you and what features are non-negotiable in order for you to know that a person is the right one for you in a relationship. You create the environment in which you know you will thrive and can enjoy life long sustaining love.

Enjoy the relationships that exist now, dwell in the possibilities, revel in the time alone and create some time that you are willing to share with the right partner for you.

For more posts on Relating/ Dating & Mating, go to http://cherivalentine.squarespace.com/blog/

Reflect on Sadness

Today I am reflective. I want to make sense of my sadness when by all accounts, I should be happy. I am living in a great community, meeting new people. I live in a spacious condo on the water, decorated with my new sense of experimental style. I have an opportunity to decide what I would like to do for a career, yet there is no hurry. I can enjoy this time of space and suspension. Yet, I don’t. I miss the people who should be filling up the space here with me. I do not know how to make the ache go away.

Suddenly, it hit me. I don’t think that I ever really believed that a man would love me completely. So if I have this deep mistrust of being loved, it is no wonder that all my relationships end the same way - over. I think I have always worried that once someone really gets to know me, they will not like me, and guess what, that has been so true. In both of my marriages, and in my last great fling, again, it was true.

I am not sure that I even want to spend the time of seeing where this might be true in my first marriage. It was so long ago, and I don’t feel any pain there. I was so young, the circumstances so very typical for being that young and for my time. I thought I was marrying someone different from what I knew. He was not. His family was what I thought I wanted, and I naively believed that he was like his family and my life would be like that. Of course, I did have his family, I just did not have him. I also have the gift of the child we created.

My second marriage, I got a little smarter in knowing what I wanted in a man. I got what I wanted to the extent I knew what that was. I also did not heed the warning signs. I was so grateful to be with someone who I ordained to be a god next to me, that I lost sight of me completely, for a while, anyway. I always thought he was better than me, and by the time I realized that neither of us was better, we were both different, I also tired of the constant struggle of power. Although I lost sight of myself several times in that marriage, I also found myself, too. Of course, there was so much good, too. I prefer to remember why I loved him, why I stayed so long. But then, I have to remind myself there was a reason it ended. So, I look at it only to raise myself from self-doubt, blame and guilt.

I also want to make sense so I can do it right finally. I wonder if that is even possible. LIndy tells me it is. I want to believe her. Yet, based on the men I have been meeting lately, I can’t help but wonder how. The way I have been acting lately, I am sure it is not. I need to gather my courage and strength and learn how to enjoy being alone. I used to think I was special and had so much to offer, and lately I cannot help wondering if this is still true.

I am terrified of making another mistake with a man. I certainly know what I do not want in a relationship. I have lots of practice there. In the last year, I have had even more exposure to what I do not even want in a dating relationship, never mind a permanent one. Maybe it is time, to look at things differently. After all, one can always hope.

Sadie Jackson, a fictional heroine, is back on the dating scene for the third time. After two trial marriages, she is bound and determined to get it right.She can be nauseatingly optimistic and enjoys recounting her dating experiences with humor and compassion.Follow her dating escapades in this work of fiction that will be updated on a regular basis.

For more of Sadie's escapades, go to http://cherivalentine.squarespace.com/sadie/

Two Sides of Being Alone

These past weeks have been such a struggle between loneliness and wanting to be alone. How does that make sense? One moment I am enjoying my freedom, the space to be just me. I turn up the music very loudly and dance around the room as if no one is watching me. Then it occurs to me that no one is watching me since I am all alone. Oh the sadness of it all!

Another day, I revel in how much I am enjoying plastering posters on all the walls as I sketch out new designs for my dream house, adding details as inspiration strikes me. Then sadness once again seeps in as I wonder if I will live in it by myself. Then I perk up as I affirm how joyful it is that I could build a home totally to my own specifications without having to consider another’s opinion. In another moment, I want someone else’s ideas to flow with mine.

Oh the bother of it all! Why can’t I just enjoy being alone? I am told this is a wonderful time for me to really enjoy my life. I can spend time with friends, do whatever I want, and discover my true essence. Although, I am not sure I really want to know what that is. I am afraid I may like that Sadie even less than I am liking this one.

Of course, Lindy tells me that I may like that Sadie even more, and that I am terrified of that possibility. I laugh at the absurdity of that. Yet, when I am in the throes of despair, as I often seem to be, I wonder, could she be right?

Sadie Jackson, a fictional heroine, is back on the dating scene for the third time. After two trial marriages, she is bound and determined to get it right.She can be nauseatingly optimistic and enjoys recounting her dating experiences with humor and compassion.Follow her dating escapades in this work of fiction that will be updated on a regular basis. For more of Sadie's escapades, go to http://cherivalentine.squarespace.com/sadie/