January is a time of reflection and renewal, a time to think consciously about how to approach the New Year. “Approach” is a carefully chosen word, as I advise creating parameters that allow for flexibility rather than concrete resolutions that may become less appropriate over time or be too strict to follow. With the celebration of the arrival of 2010, not only a new year but a new decade, I wish to share with you some of my guidelines for refining your life and bringing love into it – “jumpstarting” a new year, a new you and the new relationships you will encounter in 2010.
Generally, for everyone desiring a more attractive overall life, consider:
1. Be the Love you Seek
Finding love (and this can mean in a mate, your work, your family…) means acting in a loving way. Complaining and cursing everything you encounter in the course of your day is incompatible with attracting love. Censor your language by being more present and aware of what you are saying. Do something positive for yourself and others. Engage in an act of selfless gratitude everyday, such as bringing an office mate a bagel, leaving a note with a happy drawing in your child’s lunchbox or opening a door for someone. If you are already in a romantic partnership with someone, think of little things that you can do that say I care about you. Try a “turn down” service: simply turn down the sheets of a crisply made bed and place a chocolate and/or single flower on your mate’s pillow. It takes all of 2 minutes to do and isn’t expensive—but sends a powerful message of love and gratitude (among other things )—a terrific return on investment! Smile more. Hug more. Listen more.
2. Seek Balance
Have you noticed a popular theme in the media touting the benefits of a balanced mind, body and spirit? Are you balanced in this regard or are you too far into one or two dimensions but not all three? Have your passions transmuted into simply the pursuit of financial success? Do you feel guilty when you do something for yourself rather than for your mate, your family, or your business?
Take time for self—everyday. It might be a small action like reading the morning paper over a cup of steaming coffee—alone. It might be a run, a yoga session, or a candlelit bath at the end of a productive day. Write in three activities for everyday living that will feed your body, mind, and spirit. If three every day seems daunting, try one a day or three things weekly. Remember that muscle doesn’t grow without rest; rest your mind, your body or your spirit while you “exercise” the other two parts of your being and the rested part grows! A balanced being is an attractive being.
3. Get Passionate About You and Your Life
What makes you tick? Think back to when you were young, what did you love to do. What feeds your soul? This is a time to reconnect to your center and put attention on those things that make your heart sing. If you are living a passionate life, this will reflect to those around you. You will also meet more passionate people. When you feed your soul, you are a kinder more loving person to yourself and therefore to others and to the world.
4. Listen Up
A major key to relationship success is communication, and one key to effective communication is listening. If you are not a good listener, make it a priority to learn. Rather than interrupting, breathe deeply and give each person the gift of your attention. It is sometimes tempting to want to tell people what they should do or how much you know instead of letting someone finish speaking. Pledge to become a master of this skill of listening and you will see all your relationships flourish. When you do speak, rather than telling someone else what they are doing or not doing right, consider complimenting them first, and then suggest how you feel when they act in a certain way.
Now for those of you actively seeking a romantic partnership, consider:
1. Think Outside the Box
Stop frantically searching and start energetically attracting. My practice is founded on my clients first knowing themselves—inside and out—and then clearly defining what they want in a mate. Confusion can arise when clients misunderstand what this clear definition means. It doesn’t mean trying to retrofit people into the Idea of relationship or marriage. It means understanding what a healthy relationship looks like for you. You’ve had lots of practice in life of what is right and what is not. Focus your attention on what is right, what works for you. Don’t let your desire for couplehood override the imperative of finding the right relationship for you. It is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. My clients who have progressed through my programs emerge knowing and liking themselves so much more than ever before in their lives that they report to me they naturally no longer settle for the wrong relationships and are successfully finding healthy, loving relationships with people who are perfect for them.
2. Get Out!
While online dating and social networking sites are almost imperative for busy professionals, people who work at home, or simply people who don’t have a lot of single friends with whom to network, you still have to get out from behind the computer. Nothing compares to live social interaction.
Take advantage of your time in the grocery store or bank by smiling and engaging people in conversation. Go to a park and walk a dog (borrow dogs as needed). Take a class that interests you. Work on your laptop at the local coffee shop or library. Go to a gym. VOLUNTEER. Get out everyday.
Smile! Don’t underestimate the power of a smile. If you’re female, compliment another woman on her shoes; you might make a friend. Welcome new neighbors, you never know when an attractive, single brother has just moved to the area and needs some new friends. Ask someone for directions, or how the traffic is on the highway. Be genuine, and if nothing else comes to mind a simply say, “hello!”
Here’s a surefire tip to motivate you to get out: pledge to turn off the television and your home computer for a week. Suddenly, the outside world will look far more appealing!
3. Take Chances
Do something new. Attend and event that you really want to attend alone if none of your friends can go with you. If you do really like someone, tell them. Again, if you’ve done the preliminary work on yourself, you simply won’t give off a “desperate” vibe because you aren’t! So go ahead and call someone for a second date—whenever the mood strikes you and not some pre-defined window after the first one. Send them an e-mail and tell them how much you enjoyed their company. Like any good thank you letter, mention something about which the two of you connected that opens the conversation for a future date, “You know so much about music. [Insert band] is playing [location, time], I’d love it if you’d come with me.” The trick is that you’ve spoken casually, using words you would actually speak, and you’ve indicated that you’re going anyway.
Commit to putting some of these ideas into play in 2010 and watch as you naturally attract new positive possibilities and love in your life!
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